her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
