OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
