fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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