i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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