Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
