If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
