guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just cut my nipple shaving
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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