I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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