so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didn't notice because vodka
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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