My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
