Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
