I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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