Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I know her cup size but not her name....
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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