Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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