it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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