dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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