We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
