nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize