Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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