you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
