Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
