I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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