We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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