The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sarcasm needs its own font
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
