that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
