So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
