I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he was CRYING into my vagina
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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