I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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