I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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