we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This baby is an asshole
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
