I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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