I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
