I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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