Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
