In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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