No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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