mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
