considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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