I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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