he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
