She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
