My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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