After last night, I could never be a politician.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
