I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
