Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
