Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
