you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
