even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
