hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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