youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
