k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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