your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
