proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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