using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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