he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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