Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's like iHOP with fire
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
