shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
