i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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