"it" just moved
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
