1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
