No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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