we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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