a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
