Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
