she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
