your parents love me but you hate me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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