my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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