Screwed.edu
he wants to bone in the snuggie
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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