i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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