he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
