So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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