But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
