Whod you bang
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
