All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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