I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
