Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The uberlube is also flammable
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
