i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
